why it's okay not to remain "pure" before marriage

Three. The number of purity rings I have worn on my finger.
 Seven. The number of letters I have written to my future husband promising to remain pure.
 Six. The number of years I sat in youth groups and camps listening to purity sermons.

What do these things mean? I'm not exactly sure. And I don't know if anyone in my generation actually knows. We are taught from a young age not to have sex before marriage. We are given object lessons about duct tape. We are told we are like duct tape, the more we give ourselves away [like duct tape attaching to one item, being taken off, then attaching to another item] the less pure we are, the less we have to give to our future spouse. We have been told all our lives that the more we give our bodies away, the more tainted we become.

But these statements that we become less, are wrong. These are the lies that have left young people hurt, embarrassed, and insecure. These are the lies that have left us with secrets buried deep within the crevasses of our souls.

We are told not to have sex before marriage, but we don't get taught about sex. As hormonal adolescents and young adults we ask where to draw the line, and we are told just don't do it. We are told not to kiss, not to hold hands, don't be in an enclosed room alone. We are given remedies to a problem we have not been educated about. We have questions, but are afraid to ask in fear of being rejected or thought less of. We are told to "remain pure" as if it is the only thing that we will ever be wanted for.

All of these presumptions about who we are supposed to be leave us wounded, in the dark, with our secrets. They leave the young girl addicted to pornography alone in her bedroom for years because she has been told it's a man's sin and she feels too dirty to admit it to anyone. They leave the young couple, who explore each other's anatomy that one night in the car in that empty parking lot, afraid to face their leaders because they are not sure if they are still "pure." They leave the young person, who lost their virginity durning a one night stand one drunken night, pretending to be some perfect Christian, because he or she is afraid no one will ever love them for who they are.

Oh, but you my dear friends, are so much more than what you have done or what has been done to you. You are not tainted or dirty or unloveable. You are not defined by your actions. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have done. You were bought at a price. God came down to earth in human form, gave up his life, and literally died for ALL of your sins. You have been redeemed. You have been set free. The things of your past do not define you, even if your past is five minutes ago. You have been made new every single day. So go forward into this day, this week, this season as a new creation. Go confidently, knowing that you have been cleansed by the love of God.

You are wanted, you are incredible, and you are loved. Now go change your world.

*I am a firm believer that if we keep secrets hidden in those dark crevasses of our souls, we are giving evil powers more of a hold on them. I believe when those secrets are brought to light, healing can happen. I encourage you to find someone who you trust, to bear these secrets to. If you don't think you have anyone like that in your life, I'm always here, and I live in a very, very judgement free zone ;) And I will still love you, no matter what. So come be human with me :)