Yes, You read the title correctly. Sometimes, I don't pray. Sometimes, I am terrified to pray. And most of the time, I don't pray because I am selfish and do not want the Lord to move in my life.
How often, when faced with a decision, have we been asked the cliché of: "have you prayed about it?" If you're part of the church body and have people who love The Lord and who care about you, hopefully you have been asked this genuinely many times. When we pray for wisdom, the Lord gives generously to all without finding fault. The fact is, GOD answers prayer. And sometimes, the answer is a whole lot harder for us to comprehend and live with than if we were doing things our own way. And for me, that in itself is a terrifying thing.
For example, Worship songs in church can become watered down, meaningless, or just another motion to go through at church. I laugh when I read statuses or hear people quoting song lyrics such as "break my heart for what breaks yours" or "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters. Wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander." Do you really want The Lord to " break your heart", do you really want to go "where [your] trust is with out borders."
Because let me tell you, what breaks the Lords heart, is a painful thing. Sitting and crying with children who feel alone because they aren't loved by their earthly parents is a hard thing to do. Listening to young girls tell you that they aren't worthy or pure because they aren't virgins or may have STD's will make your heart literally hurt because you know this is a lie and they are made new and actions do not determine their worth or beauty. Praying with a child who is thankful for the roof over their head because they know what it is like to be without, will shatter your worldview and change your comfort zone. And these things, these people, are what breaks the heart of The Lord. And they hurt.
Living a life where your "trust is without borders" is no easy task either. I once prayed "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters. Wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander." And I ended up without a home or job, away from my friends. He led me deeper than I would have ever wanted to wander, but I also was completely reliant on Him and "my faith was made stronger."
Our God is a powerful God. Lightening bolts flash from his hands. He spoke, and there was light. He looked, and nations trembled and mountains crumbled. He rode by, and the deep roared and lifted it's waves on high. He strode through the earth, and the sun and moon stood still in the heavens. Our God is real and loving and powerful. And God would do anything for his children, even send his only Son to live as a human on earth and to die for our sins, so that we can live forever in community with him.
So next time you are praying, remember that God answers prayers. He wants what is best for his children. And he want to refine us and make us new again, in him. Be prepared for fire and rain and pain. But being able to tell your story of redemption through God, being in community with God, being in constant communication with Him, is a beautiful thing. And that makes dying to self, a teensy bit easier, because you know, that in doing so, you are choosing to serve a loving, all knowing, relatable, creative, just, all powerful God.
so... pray willingly and unceasingly.
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