Living authentically terrifies me.
I can do surface level authentic. I can do "yeah, my week wasn't the greatest and I'm having a hard time right now," when asked how I'm doing. In appropriate times, I won't put on a face and pretend everything is great. And if I ask how someone is, I actually want to know the truth. I won't ask if I don't want to know. I can be honest about what WAS wrong, after I've fixed it or it's all better. If I think you actually want to know, I'll tell you how I'm doing, I just won't tell you why.
I can do surface level authentic living.
But to actually live authentically? Hell NO. No. No. No. No way Jose. No no no. That would mean I have to be honest with myself, that would mean I would have to be vulnerable, that would mean others would have the ability to hurt me. No way. That doesn't work for me.
I run away when people get too close. I run away when I begin to feel emotions. I run away from being known.
But we were created for so much more. We were made for community. We were made in the image of God, who was/is/never will be alone. From the beginning, he was a part of a 'we.' We were designed to be incomplete, to need companionship. We were designed to be in community. But true, organic, real community is full of people living authentically with each other.
A couple months ago, I lead a cabin of seven young women who are in high school. We spent a week in the mountains, away from all technology, learning about how great our GOD is. We spent a week in true community. The first night we were there, I was completely honest at where I was in my life. During that time in my life, I was a hot mess, a wreck, completely broken [and I still am ;)]. I was honest with my girls, they knew my dirty secrets, they knew my struggles, and they knew my weaknesses. It was the most vulnerable I had been with a group in a long time. God used that vulnerability, and in turn, my girls were vulnerable with me. Thoughts, secrets, and lies of the world were brought to light, and truth was spoken. With that vulnerability, we experienced freedom. We experienced grace and sanctification. We experienced community in the way it is supposed to be lived, through the freedom of authentic living.
I don't know exactly what living authentically means or what it looks like. Maybe living authentically is different for each person. Maybe it's not always a good thing. I don't think we need to be vulnerable with every person we come into contact with. In fact, don't be vulnerable with everyone you come in contact with. But be genuine, be real.
I want to strive for authentic living, for true community. I need to be honest with myself and honest with God, and I don't know what scares me more. I need to admit that I am wrong and allow others to love me. I build cobwebs in the dark spaces so that things are partially visible but no one can quite see what is really hidden there. These cobwebs, this facade of protection, are keeping me from living truly authentically.
Why aren't you living authentically? What are your cobwebs? What are the hopes and fears that are keeping you from being in true community with the King or with those closest to you?
Every day I'm learning a little bit more what it is to live authentically. Learn with me?
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