Yes, You read the title correctly. Sometimes, I don't pray. Sometimes, I am terrified to pray. And most of the time, I don't pray because I am selfish and do not want the Lord to move in my life.
How often, when faced with a decision, have we been asked the cliché of: "have you prayed about it?" If you're part of the church body and have people who love The Lord and who care about you, hopefully you have been asked this genuinely many times. When we pray for wisdom, the Lord gives generously to all without finding fault. The fact is, GOD answers prayer. And sometimes, the answer is a whole lot harder for us to comprehend and live with than if we were doing things our own way. And for me, that in itself is a terrifying thing.
For example, Worship songs in church can become watered down, meaningless, or just another motion to go through at church. I laugh when I read statuses or hear people quoting song lyrics such as "break my heart for what breaks yours" or "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters. Wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander." Do you really want The Lord to " break your heart", do you really want to go "where [your] trust is with out borders."
Because let me tell you, what breaks the Lords heart, is a painful thing. Sitting and crying with children who feel alone because they aren't loved by their earthly parents is a hard thing to do. Listening to young girls tell you that they aren't worthy or pure because they aren't virgins or may have STD's will make your heart literally hurt because you know this is a lie and they are made new and actions do not determine their worth or beauty. Praying with a child who is thankful for the roof over their head because they know what it is like to be without, will shatter your worldview and change your comfort zone. And these things, these people, are what breaks the heart of The Lord. And they hurt.
Living a life where your "trust is without borders" is no easy task either. I once prayed "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters. Wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander." And I ended up without a home or job, away from my friends. He led me deeper than I would have ever wanted to wander, but I also was completely reliant on Him and "my faith was made stronger."
Our God is a powerful God. Lightening bolts flash from his hands. He spoke, and there was light. He looked, and nations trembled and mountains crumbled. He rode by, and the deep roared and lifted it's waves on high. He strode through the earth, and the sun and moon stood still in the heavens. Our God is real and loving and powerful. And God would do anything for his children, even send his only Son to live as a human on earth and to die for our sins, so that we can live forever in community with him.
So next time you are praying, remember that God answers prayers. He wants what is best for his children. And he want to refine us and make us new again, in him. Be prepared for fire and rain and pain. But being able to tell your story of redemption through God, being in community with God, being in constant communication with Him, is a beautiful thing. And that makes dying to self, a teensy bit easier, because you know, that in doing so, you are choosing to serve a loving, all knowing, relatable, creative, just, all powerful God.
so... pray willingly and unceasingly.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
cobwebs, camp, and a tad bit of chaos.
Living authentically terrifies me.
I can do surface level authentic. I can do "yeah, my week wasn't the greatest and I'm having a hard time right now," when asked how I'm doing. In appropriate times, I won't put on a face and pretend everything is great. And if I ask how someone is, I actually want to know the truth. I won't ask if I don't want to know. I can be honest about what WAS wrong, after I've fixed it or it's all better. If I think you actually want to know, I'll tell you how I'm doing, I just won't tell you why.
I can do surface level authentic living.
But to actually live authentically? Hell NO. No. No. No. No way Jose. No no no. That would mean I have to be honest with myself, that would mean I would have to be vulnerable, that would mean others would have the ability to hurt me. No way. That doesn't work for me.
I run away when people get too close. I run away when I begin to feel emotions. I run away from being known.
But we were created for so much more. We were made for community. We were made in the image of God, who was/is/never will be alone. From the beginning, he was a part of a 'we.' We were designed to be incomplete, to need companionship. We were designed to be in community. But true, organic, real community is full of people living authentically with each other.
A couple months ago, I lead a cabin of seven young women who are in high school. We spent a week in the mountains, away from all technology, learning about how great our GOD is. We spent a week in true community. The first night we were there, I was completely honest at where I was in my life. During that time in my life, I was a hot mess, a wreck, completely broken [and I still am ;)]. I was honest with my girls, they knew my dirty secrets, they knew my struggles, and they knew my weaknesses. It was the most vulnerable I had been with a group in a long time. God used that vulnerability, and in turn, my girls were vulnerable with me. Thoughts, secrets, and lies of the world were brought to light, and truth was spoken. With that vulnerability, we experienced freedom. We experienced grace and sanctification. We experienced community in the way it is supposed to be lived, through the freedom of authentic living.
I don't know exactly what living authentically means or what it looks like. Maybe living authentically is different for each person. Maybe it's not always a good thing. I don't think we need to be vulnerable with every person we come into contact with. In fact, don't be vulnerable with everyone you come in contact with. But be genuine, be real.
I want to strive for authentic living, for true community. I need to be honest with myself and honest with God, and I don't know what scares me more. I need to admit that I am wrong and allow others to love me. I build cobwebs in the dark spaces so that things are partially visible but no one can quite see what is really hidden there. These cobwebs, this facade of protection, are keeping me from living truly authentically.
Why aren't you living authentically? What are your cobwebs? What are the hopes and fears that are keeping you from being in true community with the King or with those closest to you?
Every day I'm learning a little bit more what it is to live authentically. Learn with me?
I can do surface level authentic. I can do "yeah, my week wasn't the greatest and I'm having a hard time right now," when asked how I'm doing. In appropriate times, I won't put on a face and pretend everything is great. And if I ask how someone is, I actually want to know the truth. I won't ask if I don't want to know. I can be honest about what WAS wrong, after I've fixed it or it's all better. If I think you actually want to know, I'll tell you how I'm doing, I just won't tell you why.
I can do surface level authentic living.
But to actually live authentically? Hell NO. No. No. No. No way Jose. No no no. That would mean I have to be honest with myself, that would mean I would have to be vulnerable, that would mean others would have the ability to hurt me. No way. That doesn't work for me.
I run away when people get too close. I run away when I begin to feel emotions. I run away from being known.
But we were created for so much more. We were made for community. We were made in the image of God, who was/is/never will be alone. From the beginning, he was a part of a 'we.' We were designed to be incomplete, to need companionship. We were designed to be in community. But true, organic, real community is full of people living authentically with each other.
A couple months ago, I lead a cabin of seven young women who are in high school. We spent a week in the mountains, away from all technology, learning about how great our GOD is. We spent a week in true community. The first night we were there, I was completely honest at where I was in my life. During that time in my life, I was a hot mess, a wreck, completely broken [and I still am ;)]. I was honest with my girls, they knew my dirty secrets, they knew my struggles, and they knew my weaknesses. It was the most vulnerable I had been with a group in a long time. God used that vulnerability, and in turn, my girls were vulnerable with me. Thoughts, secrets, and lies of the world were brought to light, and truth was spoken. With that vulnerability, we experienced freedom. We experienced grace and sanctification. We experienced community in the way it is supposed to be lived, through the freedom of authentic living.
I don't know exactly what living authentically means or what it looks like. Maybe living authentically is different for each person. Maybe it's not always a good thing. I don't think we need to be vulnerable with every person we come into contact with. In fact, don't be vulnerable with everyone you come in contact with. But be genuine, be real.
I want to strive for authentic living, for true community. I need to be honest with myself and honest with God, and I don't know what scares me more. I need to admit that I am wrong and allow others to love me. I build cobwebs in the dark spaces so that things are partially visible but no one can quite see what is really hidden there. These cobwebs, this facade of protection, are keeping me from living truly authentically.
Why aren't you living authentically? What are your cobwebs? What are the hopes and fears that are keeping you from being in true community with the King or with those closest to you?
Every day I'm learning a little bit more what it is to live authentically. Learn with me?
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