adventurous august: gratitude of a gypsy girl

Currently:

loved. romanced. adored.

jobless, home less, alone.
complete, joyful, purposed.

A month ago, on July 14, I turned twenty-two. Already, this twenty-third year of life has been full of lessons, surprises, disappointments, unexpected joys, and adventures.

A week after my birthday, I left for two weeks of camp. Because of life decisions I had made the months preceding my birthday [read about it here], For a while, I did not want to go, I felt inadequate [But God used me as I was, broken. (I will write more about that later)] to be a camp counselor at a Christian bible camp.  I also was not sure where I was going to live when I returned from camp, was going to have to pack and move out of my apartment in three days, had a bit of chaos at both work and in friendships, and had applied for a couple jobs that are dream jobs. But I went anyway, and it was the best decision of my summer.

For two weeks, I had  no cell phone service, no internet, and no contact with any one outside of our camp. I did, however, have stars, fresh air, good friends, and a GOD who is faithful. Because of the lack of communication with the outside world, I was able to reevaluate my life, discussing it only with God. I realized how unhealthy certain relationships I had were to my well-being, so I let God have those people. I had no contact or control over anything at work, so I let God have those worries. I couldn't do anything about my housing situation, so I let God have those uncertainties. By the end of the two weeks, I had thought I had given God complete control of my life. He then pointed out my dependency on my best friends, so I let God have those friends.

I am so thankful for the time away from the world, spent only with God and with my camp family, because, when I got back from camp, I was exhausted, but was instantly thrown into the real world again. I had to immediately begin making adult decisions. Within twenty-four hours, our seventh home that we applied for fell through, I quit my job as a swim instructor and coach (which was one of the biggest joy givers in life), I took an indefinite hiatus from my internship, and moved all of my possessions into a storage unit. All of those things that I let God have, are now tangibly gone: my uneasy relationships are no longer a part of my life, I don't have a job, I don't have a home I call my own, and those friends I had a dependency on, I no longer get to see every day.

Why is all of this important? 

GOD is good. He is so incredible, beautiful, worthy, wonderful, perfect in his timing, and faithful. I have opened myself up to his love and have been allowing him to pursue me. He has never once given up on me. He has remained faithful in showing me his love. I have just never actually accepted his unfailing, unconditional love. He is the only one I am dependent on. I prayed the song Oceans, by Hillsong United, saying, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders, let me walk upon these waters. Wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever take me." And HE has. He has taken me to this place of uncertainty, I have no clue where I will live in a week, I am applying for jobs all over Southern California, and I am enjoying being pursued by my creator. I am not saying that I am always at ease with my current situation, I daily have to give up myself and my desires. My journal pages have been filled with words of anger, disappointment, sadness, thankfulness, joy, and praise. But God is good, and he never gives up on his Children.