Finding Nineveh

Whenever I would think of Nineveh, as a child, I would think of death and destruction, and of a Godless place. But Nineveh is a place where God is found. A place where God reveals his love, his compassion, and his graciousness. 
In the past couple of months, I have found my Nineveh. I have come to a place where God has revealed himself to me even amongst my sin and in a time where my witness for him was doing more harm than good. He has shown himself to me in powerful ways, I get to see a side of God that I have not known. He is faithful and he has not given up on me, his child. 
I also found my semi-literal Nineveh. An actual city from which I was running far away. A place to which, by me telling God "no", I have had to take a more painful path, a rougher journey. I have learned that the belly of the whale, although the harder path, is a place where God can reveal his love and mercy and a place where I can learn true thanksgiving. 

About six months ago I began talking to this guy, not in a romantic way, but in a flirtatious, fun way. In my spirit, I knew there was something off about this relationship. It was the same pattern of communication that I had had so many times before. I would use him, and he would use me. Throughout those couple of months God showed me through His word and through mentors and small groups and sermons that I needed to stop talking to him the way I did. I was not helping him run towards Jesus and he was not helping me run towards Jesus, it was hindering the race marked before me. My eyes were not fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. But still I continued on this unhealthy path. I began to become vulnerable with this person who God was telling me to let go of. I began to try to convince myself that God was in it. I began to lie to people and tell them that it was right in my spirit, that God was with me in this. 
God was with me, he never left me, but his answer was always no. And my response was to ignore him and continue doing what I wanted. The worst in me came out, I became a person who I never want to be again. I wasn't bearing the fruits of the spirit, but began to bear fruits of jealousy and anger and bitterness. The words I spoke were unkind, harmful, and untruthful. 
There was a point where I saw who I was becoming and cried out to the LORD. I asked him one last time if this was what he had for me, and his answer was clear and audible, it was NO. 
And I fought that "no". I asked God to change his mind, I asked if it was a "no, not yet", and I pretended it was a yes. I couldn't let go of this hindrance on my own, I prayed that God would take it away. I prayed specific prayers because I knew I couldn't do it alone. And God was faithful and answered those prayers specifically.
 When I finally surrendered my life and this issue to God, I was still in the belly of the whale. I was hurt because of the destruction I had allowed my self to be vulnerable to. Daily I had and have to say yes to God. And daily, he is faithful. I had to say yes to applying for jobs in my Ninevah. My stubborn nature, although I knew God had rescued me from the storm, wanted to sit in the "comfort" of the belly of the whale. I don't know if anything will come from those jobs, but I've realized that if I had not said no to God so many times, saying yes would have been less painful.

What is keeping you from saying yes to God? What is the hindrance that is keeping you from running towards Jesus? Is it a job, a relationship, social media, a secret, what is holding you back? Listen to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit in your heart. You will know what you need to do. God is faithful. And I pray that he does not give up on you, his child. Let him pursue you, give him the things you are keeping from him. Say yes to God.